This is my first ever Champions League final, and it looks to be a cracking match. Manchester United versus FC Barcelona, Champions of England versus Champions of Spain. The best players in the world on the biggest European stage Wembley in the Champions League final! This is a satire, I don’t think this is really going to happen here’s the actual preview. This one is just for laughs.
I feel I’ve seen enough of these two teams to predict what could happen in tomorrow’s match. But first I want to cover Champions league mainstays, the interviews. I predict Sir Alex Ferguson, Rio, and Vidic will speak to an empty room, because Fergie will have chased off all journalists who may ask questions about a certain unnamed footballer on his squad. Fergie will make comments about tomorrows referee.
Barcelona’s press conference will feature Pep Guardiola, Puyol, and Victor Valdes. The interview will be a picture of class and humility but deep down the three will be chuckling at the thought of Manchester United taking on the ‘Best team in the World’ FC Barcelona. All of the waxing about what a magnificent occasion this is and how much respect they have for the opponent, from both camps, is just a veneer covering up the confidence of sure victory.
Both Managers announce their line-ups. Sir Alex Ferguson starts Van der Sar – Rafael – Rio – Vidic – Evra –
Ryan Giggs – Carrick – Park – Nani – Rooney- Chicharito
Pep Guardiola starts Valdes – Alves – Pique – Puyol - Abidal - Busquets- Xavi – Iniesta- Pedro – Messi – Villa
Match predictions: 4-4 20-19 penalty shootout
I predict that Manchester United will try to start strong and press early so they will fight hard for the ball from the beginning. I predict they dominate the first half.
They take an early lead through Park in the 44th second, as he out paces Puyol and slots one in the bottom corner of the next.
Moments later, Nani takes a free kick just outside the Barcelona box and with all men forward to capitalize on the chance to make it 2-0 Nemanja Vidic heads it home.
Going 2-0 down so early would be attributed to lackadaisical defending by Barca, not used to being without the ball so early in the game.
Park given space on the wing and picks out Rooney continues the onslaught of goals and makes it 3-0 to Manchester United in the first ten minutes. After that Man United begin to let up and go a whole 16 minutes before making if 4-0. A second goal scored from Rooney.
After that, the torrent calmed. Barca will pick up their performance before the end of the first half and catch United napping a bit at the back, but still not manage a shot on goal. Rio and Vidic will have to make several strong clearances at the back to deny Barca a scoring opportunity.
By half time it’ll look like Fergie’s men have run away with the match.
Barca and Man United both come out of the tunnel different teams. Manchester United’s confidence in victory will show their lazy possession keeping. And the Barca insurgence begins!
Just after the restart Rio will have to be subbed off for injury and is replaced by young center back Chris Smalling. A few moments later, Busquets comes in kind of hard on Carrick in a challenge, Carrick completely flips out and pushes Busquets to the ground; Puyol runs to confront Carrick and receives similar treatment. The ref has no choice but to show a red card with just 48 minutes on the clock.
Man united will be reduced to 10 men! And with Barca gaining a foot hold in the match Man United stand on slippery ground, in spite of their 4 goal lead.
What happens next has never before been seen in the history of football as United proceed to blow a 4 goal lead in record time!
Around the 60th minute Vidic concedes a rather soft penalty, Villa scores from the spot and it’s 4-1. After the penalty is taken there’s a scuffle inside the box.
Not long after, Messi looks to make it 4-2 and tucks the ball into the corner of the next. The referee calls an offside but the replay will say otherwise. But Barca will make 4-2 soon enough as Iniesta plays a perfect through ball into Messi (who is onside for real this time) to score for the very first time in England.
At this point Man United are reeling and late on concede another penalty to make it 4-3. Barca will keep the pressure on after the penalty, and in a disastrous turn of events for United, will be awarded a free kick. The free kick will be cleared just far enough to fall perfectly for substitute Mascherano to volley home for his first ever goal for Barcelona. 4-4
If this is sounding familiar to anyone at this point it’s not I know you’re thinking this couldn’t possibly ever happen but this is my prediction.
Full time is called and the two prepare to take their penalties. It’s starts to rain over Wembley and the scene becomes reminiscent of Moscow in 08. One by one each player takes their shot from the spot and it seems as if no one would ever miss. Eighteen penalties each, nineteen, twentieth penalty for Manchester United an unnamed footballer steps up to take the penalty and Valdes saves! Barcelona take their final penalty flawlessly to win on penalties in the greatest cup final in the history of football.
Enjoy this video while we await these spectacular events!
UEFA Final Barcelona vs Manchester United 2011 Song (via playingwithballs)
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