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The Renato Guy Daily - August 25, 2014

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Haters gonna hate these daily pills of B.S.

Charlie Crowhurst

Wazzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap?

How're you doing, you crazy Culés? I'm fantastic. Couldn't be better after such a great win like the one against Elche. That cat looks a lot like my own, actually, so I went to check if my cat was in my house and not at Camp Nou. Anyway, fantastic win, with Messi doing his stuff. Munir is amazing. And I need to marry Rakitic.

In other news, it's presidential election time here in my beautiful country of Brazil. To me, this is the most depressing time of the year, yet the funniest one. It's depressing because every four years I see the same commercials on TV, and then I have to go vote to see somebody do nothing to improve the country, while their bank accounts misteriously get bigger.

Now, it's the funniest time of the year because of some of the candidates for Congress. We actually elect five new people this year (President, State Governor, Senator, Country and State Congressman), so you come across A LOT of candidates, and the great thing about Brazil is the variety. Not only in nature and food, but in weirdness (is that a word?). For instance, check out some of the candidate names -- some of them are translated, of course:

Neymar Cover, Ronaldinho Cover, Michael Jackson Cover, Osama Bin Laden, Jesus, Barbecue Girl, Anthony from Devil, Claudio the Fat, Olga 'A Kiss and a Cheese', Jhow Superman, Hamburger Face, Old Face Rinaldo, The Guy with Glasses, Dracula, Girl in White, Bishop Barack Obama, Toasted Bread, Big Black Smiley, Wonder Woman, Batman.

I SWEAR ON MY LIFE this is all true. This is the country I live in, my friends. And I guarantee at least one of those will get elected to make (get ready) FIFTY SEVEN THOUSAND EUROS A MONTH. Which one of those should I vote for?

That's it for today, guys. Love to hear from you about anything I said (or missed) in today's "The Renato Guy Daily". If you don't know why that's the title, just look at my name. I'm trying to make it easy for you. See ya tomorrooooooow!