Technically speaking, I guess we're still in the same position as last week - even after our Joan Gamper Trophy victory over AS Roma at the Camp Nou, we are yet to see the Blaugrana in competitive action and as such, the rankings are still in their formative stages. Oh well - as if I need an excuse to randomly make things up, right?
Without further ado, here are this week's rankings:
1) Lionel Messi
Last week: 1
I could have been controversial and punished Messi for his headbutt on Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa, but really, it wouldn't have made any sense. While he wasn't the Man of the Match in the Gamper Trophy, Messi was as dominant as ever - helping himself to a goal and a hockey assist in our comfortable win. That's enough to remain top of the list, for now.
2) Ivan Rakitic
Last week: 3
Ivan Rakitic is the best central midfielder in the world; discuss.
Last week: 2
Contracting the mumps is pretty unusual for a footballer and couldn't have really come at a worse time for the Blaugrana. Neymar wasn't at his best against Roma but he scored nonetheless and with a couple of trophies to play for in the next week, it's a shame to see the Brazilian sidelined.
4) Luis Suarez
Last week: 4
I'm keeping Luis Suarez in fourth place after much internal debate, purely because of how well we pressed Roma last Wednesday. Suarez was leading by example in that match, keeping the Roma defense penned in with his selfless pressure - and that's enough for me to keep him in fourth for this week at least.
5) Dani Alves
Last week: 10
This week's biggest climber has to be Alves, who won me over with a super display in the Gamper to jump five places in the rankings. Either that, or all of his terrible crosses were masked by Xavi's number - I'm not sure which.
6) Andres Iniesta
Last week: 5
First Puyol, then Xavi...now Iniesta? Why are all our captains starting from the bench? Oh, it's only the Gamper - that's why.
7) Javier Mascherano
Last week: 8
A decent showing at pivote from Mascherano; his tenacious tackling in midfield suited this match perfectly - but he should still be starting in defense.
8) Sergio Busquets
Last week: 7
Don't let the rankings fool you #StillABetterPivoteThanMasch
9) Gerard Pique
Last week: 8
Pique isn't dropping down this list because he is playing badly - rather because others have improved more noticeably. Who said consistency isn't rewarded?
10) Jordi Alba
Last week: 11
Sorry Jordi, I still don't think you're as important as Dani Alves. On the plus side, you cracked the top ten this week, so silver linings and all that.
11) Jeremy Mathieu
Last week: 12
Mathieu climbs one place for supplying an assist for the opener - but his all-round solid display should see him climb in the pecking order too.
12) Claudio Bravo
Last week: 11
I know he isn't German, but God damn it, I like Claudio Bravo.
13) Marc-Andre ter Stegen
Last week: 13
All joking aside, the gap is closing between MAtS and Bravo - just look at these rankings for the proof.
Last week: 16
Hey Pedro! I know you want to leave for Manchester United and everything, but with Neymar out through illness, we kind of need you to stick around! If it's any consolation, you can take
1st 5th 10th 14th place in the rankings this week?
Last week: 14
Rafinha actually played quite well in his starting role against Roma, but I feel as though I've been too nice to the rest of them. Sorry Rafi, I still love you, honest.
16) Marc Bartra
Last week: 18
Better from Bartra and enough to climb a couple of places in the list - just don't expect to see him start an awful lot in the first few matches of this season.
17) Thomas Vermaelen
Last week: 21
Wait a minute, what if Thomas Vermaelen isn't just a joke after all?
18) Sergi Roberto
Last week: 15
Now that Dani Alves is back, Roberto's versatility suddenly doesn't mean all that much. Oh well, it was good while it lasted, right?
Last week: 17
OK, I hear you - Sandro isn't the new Pedro. Maybe he's the new Tello? I don't know - it's not like his performance gave us much else to talk about.
20) Munir el Haddadi
Last week: 20
No change...yet...although with Pedro headed for the exit, maybe this is Munir's time to start climbing?
21) Alen Halilovic
Last week: 22
That link-up with Ivan Rakitic though...
22) Adriano Correia
Last week: 19
Thank heavens that Lucho convinced him to stay, right?
Last week: 23
Wait, you're still here?
24) Jordi Masip
Last week: 25
No game time, yet Masip still rises one place by default as Gumbau bows out. All in all, Masip will chalk this one up to be a good week.
(Unranked: Arda Turan, Aleix Vidal, Alex Song)