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The Barcelona Hallucinogen and Its Symptoms

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Are you addicted to Barcelona? This article may help you address the dependency and withdrawal symptoms

FC Barcelona v Real Betis Balompie - La Liga Photo by Alex Caparros/Getty Images

Are you suffering from Barcelona withdrawal symptoms? Is your addiction to the amazing football inducing adverse effects that may cause health issues? In order to assess your situation and deduce whether or not you may be addicted to Messi and co, this article provides a guideline to help you identify the symptoms of administering FC Barcelona and its physiological and psychological effects.

Definition
FC Barcelona is a drug that comes from the Cruyff family of hallucinogenic total football. It has a strong physiological and psychological effect and sends an individual on a short psychedelic experience or ‘trip’, usually lasting roughly 90 minutes. The trip is often intense, diminishing sense of reality and forcing the user to enter a state of alternate consciousness.

Routes of Administration
The outcome of the trip depends on the method of administration and an individual’s general affinity towards it. Those innately intolerant to the drug often end up taking it rectally, which can induce unpleasant experiences such as jealousy, envy, bitterness (commonly known as saltiness), and often humiliation.

Individuals with a greater affinity towards the Barcelona hallucinogen (referred to as Culés) experience states of euphoria, excitement, well-being, pleasure, increased energy, and heightened emotions. Generally, Culés tend to take the drug through the most effective administration method: optically - though there are exceptions and some may end up taking it rectally, resulting in mildly unpleasing side-effects during the trip.

Method of Action
The core method of action of the FC Barcelona hallucinogen is known as “beautiful football.” The underlying and primary agent behind this is called Lionel Messi – an analgesic and agonist that crosses the blood-brain barrier and increases secretion of dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin, norepinephrine, and serotonin. These are a combination of “feel good” and “fight or flight” adrenaline hormones.

Depending on the quality of the Barcelona hallucinogen optically administered, Lionel Messi agonist is often accompanied by other euphoria-inducing agents. Often, Messi acts in tandem with two other serotonin agonists called Neymar and Luis Suarez. The three combined together are termed as “MSN,” and their effect on the mind of the individual administrating the hallucinogen is often called the “MSN effect.”

Additional agents are also often present, including the likes of Andres Iniesta, Rakitic (the workhorse agent and adrenaline agonist), Sergio Busquets (a passive but fairly potent agent that heightens an individual’s senses), and others.

One specific agent is especially intriguing to scientists in the current age. Called Sergi Roberto, pharmacologists are still uncertain of its method of action, as it appears to induce different effects every time the Barcelona is administered, and usually in different parts of the brain.

Symptoms
Like most hallucinogens, Barcelona sends a Culé on a roughly one-and-a-half-hour psychedelic trip. Users tend to experience euphoria, increased heartbeat (tachycardia), palpitations, mild sweating, variety of changing emotions, alertness, shock, and increased dislike for Real Madrid (and at times Madridistas).

Like with most psychedelic trips, the user is often distanced from reality and enters into an alternate state of consciousness for the period of the experience. The effects tend to linger even after the trip is over, with excitation (or depression, depending on how the trip goes) often felt for a few hours after the experience.

Dependency
Barcelona is largely considered as a highly addictive drug, specifically for Culés, mainly because of the induced excessive euphoric state (that can often reach to pleasures equivalent to orgasm) during the 90-minute trip. Psychological dependence thus is usually very high in most uncontrolled addicts.

Although it mostly induces negative effects on individuals other than Culés, it is still considerably addictive for others as well, leading to sometimes unwarranted obsession despite the displeasing effects it can have.

Withdrawal Symptoms and Adverse Effects
Withdrawal symptoms often include agitation, restlessness, desire for the “week to finish”; constant, illogical arguments over the hallucinogen until the next time it is administered; massively increased dislike towards Real Madrid; and increased desire to watch a blonde, short, bearded guy kicking a ball around.

Despite its strong psychological and physiological effects and addiction liability, it is largely accepted that Barcelona is a harmless drug in the long-term. Certain isolated trips such as ‘el clasico’ have the tendency to slightly reduce life expectancy due to increased cardiac stress, but aside from such uncommon experiences, the hallucinogen is known to improve behavior, increase general knowledge (usually indirectly through illogical arguments and discussion related to the drug), improve mental state, and induce prolonged sense of victory, success, and enjoyment.

Addressing Withdrawal Problems
Unlike with other hallucinogens, the best course for addressing post-Barcelona administration withdrawal problems is to talk about the drug in leisure time and recall experiences through highlights. Increasing anticipation for the next time Barcelona is administered is also considerably healthy, though it is highly advised not to let it get in the way of daily activities and tasks.

If you are suffering from Barcelona withdrawal symptoms, there’s no need to seek help. The community is here for you to talk about the hallucinogen and its wonderful effects, as well as the individual pharmacodynamics agents such as MSN and the intriguing Sergi Roberto. Spread the love.

Withdrawal problems associated with Barcelona are often mild, and can easily be suppressed by indulging in other activities and duties on a daily basis. Studies have shown administering the drug twice a week instead of once results in reduced withdrawal symptoms.

This article is a work of satire. If you couldn’t tell that or have been offended by it, then you may need to get off the internet.