Hellos lads and lasses! It is my utmost pleasure to be back yet another season as a writer here in Barça Blaugranes. Not anywhere close to being a veteran here, but at least I am not a rookie anymore, which means that hopefully my writing can develop some. While we can all wait and clamor for more wit and pithy remarks, as of this moment I am still irreparably rusty, which of course happens more often than not when you don’t so much as pick up a pen for the entirety of the summer. Then again, it’s so bloody hot every day that I probably am in some nightmarish “Groundhog Day” scenario where in actuality no time has passed at all. You can imagine how our start in the Supercopa contributed to my fugue, as I saw a team eerily homologous to that which finished last season. My psychiatric troubles must be more acute than I thought, as I was previously convinced we did not do very well last season.
On the off chance that I am not reliving the same day over and over, I took it upon myself to write the first Gamboling Goleadores of the year! Get ready for inaccurate remarks and subjective analysis! One thing I must confess is that even though we had, objectively, a terrible start, I am still terribly excited for yet another season of football. While I am usually wont to say a new season is a hope-filled thing, this time it is remarkably hard to say so as we haven’t done much to improve. Is it reactionary to be so pessimistic after a single game? Without a modicum of a doubt; yet what is, arguably, our collective reaction is based on hard to deny facts and figures. It does not mean that if we suddenly do a complete 180 and thrash Madrid using solid tactics and formations that the majority of us were wrong. We were reactionary, sure, but not wrong. The fact is the board has done precious little to bolster a beleaguered team, and proper tactics and player usage will only get you so far.
Irish Goat’s Gamboling Goleadores!
1st Goleador: Umtiti
My word. That was delicious. An atrocious word to use, to be sure, but alas. Think I am depraved all you want, but I’ll gladly call you all philistines if you don’t think that was some of the sexiest defending you have ever seen. Is this the type of growth we can expect after only a single season? I understand it is not the first year Umtiti plays football, but I believe my comment still stands, don’t you agree? It wasn’t his first year playing football, but certainly the first on this team, and if we thought he adapted well last year then this performance was otherworldly. Grain of salt, yes, after one game, but there was little to be excited about other than this performance.
2nd Goleador: Busquets
Am I the only one that thinks of a garbage disposal when seeing Busquets dominating? I swear I am not kidding, that’s the image that pops into my mind every single time. I can only imagine how devastating he will be when he doesn’t have to compensate for a weak right side after we play a right back that actually defends and won’t have to be bailed out by the mid, throwing everything out of whack.
3rd Goleador: Piqué
Own goal aside, it has been a while since I’ve seen Piqué position himself this well and actually make smart decisions. I don’t want to suggest all our troubles will be fixed with a proper RB but heck, it might help if Piqué can hold his position instead of bailing out a right back that is strolling about without a care in the world. Next time I see Vidal just prancing about I am going to buy him a sundress and a basket of flowers.