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Manchester United Plan Ambitious £15 Million Raid For FC Barcelona Defender

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Well, by ambitious I mean completely impossible and ludicrously stupid

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Oh dear. I know it’s the transfer rumour season again but there really should be some sort of limit, some sort of filter that just stops idiocy from going to print – literally, or figuratively. After all, there must be something we can do to stop stories like the one I read today from surfacing: apparently, Manchester United are interested in bringing Gerard Piqué back to Old Trafford and are under the impression that a bid of £15 million would entice FC Barcelona to part ways with their best defender.

*SIGH*

Let’s get started shall we? According to the Daily Express, who are citing "reports in Spain" without so much as a cursory hint at the actual source, let alone something as concrete as a hyperlink to an original story, United want Piqué to solve their defensive crisis. It makes sense, Piqué is an incredible defender and who wouldn’t want him in their team? So far, it’s logical. Then you get to the price: the figure quoted is £15 million and at this point it’s difficult to think of a reason to carry on reading.

Here’s a comprehensive list of players who have recently sold for more than £15 million:

  • Calum Chambers
  • Dejan Lovren
  • Luke Shaw
  • Marcos Rojo
  • Daley Blind
  • Alvaro Morata
  • Mario Balotelli
  • David Luiz

Apparently, they are all more valuable than a World Cup, European Championship, UEFA Champions League, La Liga winning centre-half, who currently plies his trade for statistically one of the best defenses in Europe. Makes sense right? Right???

Oh, and it gets better – apparently it’s because United want to reunite Gerard Piqué with Louis van Gaal. You know, the same Louis van Gaal that he didn’t play for at FC Barcelona, and the same Louis van Gaal that left the club a year before Piqué’s 17th birthday.

Good try Daily Express, really, but next time, try a little harder OK?